This past weekend I was babysitting some great kids, ages 7 and 4 (boy and girl, respectively). I had a conversation with the little girl at one point in the day that went like this:
Girl- "You look like a kid."
Me- (*mentally* Uh, thanks?...) "I'm pretty sure I'm older than a kid."
Girl- "Well, how old are you?"
Me- "I'm 21."
Girl- "Oh, so you are a grown-up. Hey, why aren't you married yet?!"
Me- "........................... Hey, let's build a castle!"
The young, minimally-tarnished mind of a four-year-old already perceives that people are meant for relationships. (Now, she probably only sees that concept in the sense of person-to-person relationships, but still, she sees it.) All people have this knowledge, whether they are conscious of it or not, for it is a basic longing of the human soul to have companionship (see Genesis 2:18-23). I have noticed, even among the most devout persons, a trending cultural view pertaining to companionship (specifically companionship that involves vows (marriage, religious life, consecrated single life)) that I find objectionable. (I'm not going to even touch the problems with Feminists' views on the topic here. Another time.)
The objection: Self-Worth and Relationship Statuses
First let me start by saying that I have never experienced anyone who is in a virtuous relationship acting and/or speaking condescendingly towards someone else who is not in a relationship. That being said, when the little girl I babysat asked me why I wasn't married, I felt a twinge of guilt, and my pride took a bit of a hit. I know I'm not the only person who has experienced this sensation of feeling "less than;" ask any female college student and/or 20-something with a Facebook. Whether they are getting married or taking vows, single women often have reactions to their friends' Vocational life events such as "I can't believe they're married before I am," or "How am I not there yet?" or the like.
My objection is that this is a thought process that even exists. Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen once said that "It is typically American to feel that we're not doing anything unless we are doing something big" (The Seven Words of Jesus and Mary, p. 30). He's completely right; and since finding out and living our Vocations is literally the biggest thing that we can do with our lives (since it is, by definition, the "call" of our life and how we are meant to serve and glorify the Lord), if we're not actively participating in our Vocation at this very moment, it feels like we're not doing anything at all. Not doing anything at all implies that we are being slothful, i.e. sinful. But that cannot be the case, for if it were, every human being would be in a perpetual state of mortal sin at every moment of their existence until they make their vows (whether that be to married, religious, or consecrated single life). Anyone can deduce from reading that statement that our Loving God would never and could never want that for us, ergo, it is not a possibility.
So where does this thought process come from, and how is it to be combated?
Well, in my opinion, its original source is the source of all evil, the Prince of Lies (that would be Satan). This is the point when most people would stop reading and label all previous statements irrelevant, because people don't like to talk about Satan, let alone the fact that he is actively working against the salvation of our souls. But such is the case. (For definitive backing of that last sentence, read this bit of the Catechism.) That being said, Satan's a busy guy, so he has other people do a lot of the footwork for him. Enter the cultural trends that perpetuate the feeling of being "less" (popular movies (almost any romantic comedy), "literature" (lookin' at you, Twilight), music, etc.).
So how are we to avoid feeling of less worth without living one's ultimate Vocation at this exact moment? (*Note: my intention is not to say that people who are not living their vocation should revel in that and/or stop discerning what their call is; rather, it is to say that one should completely appreciate their current state of being and love it regardless.) I think the best answer to this question is found in a book by Fr. Jacques Phillipe, Interior Freedom (esp. chapter 2, on living fully in the present moment). To summarize:
- Each person has deep inside of them a freedom that no one can take away, for God is its source. Practicing the theological virtues of faith, hope, and charity can help us to achieve this freedom- despite external circumstances, despite ourselves.
-Living in the past is fruitless, for we have no hold on it; the only free act we can make is to accept it as it was.
-We have no hold on the future, either, for despite our plans, it is out of our hands.
-That leaves us only with the present moment, and it is good. The Lord Himself, when He gave His name to Moses (Exodus 3:14), gave it in the present tense, "I Am that I Am." Psalm 145 reads "The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food in due season."
The fact that we are able to exist in the present moment means that it was ordained to be so by God, and therefore, it is very good- regardless of Vocational status. (Verses about living in the present moment: Philippians 3:13-14, Matthew 6:34, Luke 21:14-15, Romans 12:2.)
May our Blessed Mother intercede for us that we may live our lives to the full in her Son at every moment, but especially this one.
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